In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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