We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
