So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did I show you my penis last night?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
