Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
