I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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