Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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