Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
