I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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