You really coming over, don't trick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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