I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
