SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
