I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
two words...techno handjob
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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