I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
