I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
