i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
