This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
