Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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