My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
