Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize