How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
