The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
