then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
