I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
