How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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