look no pants
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
