During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
