And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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