handjob tips. give me some.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
