So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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