We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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