how can u be prego again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
