Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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