Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
