You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
