Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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