..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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