dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just had sex on a roof
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
