My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
