Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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