So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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