Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
