I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
