Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's always time for handjobs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
