I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
