Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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