how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
