im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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