the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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