no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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