Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
