ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
