Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize