i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
