today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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