Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
