Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
