Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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