Dude my mom stole all your condoms
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
