i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
