and she was petting her beer can
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
