her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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