I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
