Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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