sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
