his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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