fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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