i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
