My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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