btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
